Well today is the 6th anniversary of the death of our 1st born so. and i suppose time has passed and healed a little i felt i needed to try and sort my feelings out in some way and find writing it down helpful...
Its wired at the time your so numb with grief and adrenaline in some way.. we were so calm and collected when the doctors told us our beautiful blue eye baby boy of 8 months was going to die...... ok so how do you deal with that.. we were so used to bad news over the time we had with him as he was born so early and premature babies go thru SO much more than some people do in a lifetime.. so in a strange i suppose we thought it was just another 'setback' and didnt really sink in THIS WAS IT... THE END ... FINAL... DEATH...
I wish someone would have taken us to one side and told us to take our time no rush.. savour ever last second with him... but he looked like he had already left this world.. we couldnt see his blue eyes sparkle.. he was sedated and asleep but still 'something' had gone.... his little body was so hot from the raging infection that had invaded him and was going to rob us of our son.. his future our future all we had known..
